Saturday, January 24, 2009
reflections
What a screwed up night!
I lost my anger once again
I feel like I am a super big fat liar.
I keep telling people that I not so easily get angry.
But the actual fact, I tend to lose my cool easily when I am at home.
I always know that my father is being nice to help to do stuff but I always ended up scolding him for no reasons.
I always remind myself not to get angry with my dad but i always ended up failing...
I really don't like the feeling of being angry with dad or any other people.
I always can feel that my dad is very sad after I scolded him.
If I was him, I will be very sad that my own son is behaving like this too.
And knowing that my dad now is going through a hard time, I should support him instead of giving him more problems.
Reflecting what have happened just now.
I think I think I am just spoiled brat who depend too much on my family.
I am like a hypocrite who keep saying bad things about my family.
But after thinking through, the faults lie under me.
For example, I depend my family to keep my stuff for me so I anyhow throw stuff around the house.
When I can't find my things, I will tend to push the blame on my family first.
I always complain that my dinner sucks. But I didn't make any effort to cook my own stuff.
Actually, I am quite fortunate to have a good older sister who always helping me and a patience father.
After saying so much stuff, I really don't like the current me now. I always said I want to change for the better. I want this. I want that. I will do this and that. But I always ended up the same. I have not improve at all, I only gone worst. SO WHEN AM I GOING CHANGE?
What a dumb and stupid question to myself.
the memories will turn WILD.
1/24/2009 09:57:00 PM
