Tuesday, May 27, 2008

One day, a boy lost one of precious person he once liked because he didn't give the person a chance to have more time to change.
End up, he regreted and feel very guilty of what he did.

Now this young boy meet other precious person he love.






What happening to me?

Monday, May 26, 2008

I need learn how to control my emotions better.
I can't forever let it take control of my mind ;o
The moment it just take all...
I lose my concentration
I lose my mind
I lose my focus
It isn't like me anymore.
I hate it.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

dead tired

Learn many new stuff today (:
And went to canoeing training ;D
I okay with the training but i not ready to be involve in a competitive CCA. That all.
After that met up with ryan and merv for dinner (:
Yea we had a time talking ;D
I did get some answer which I was thinking.

Ok that all.
I am physically and mentally tired now.
Good night







Lesson learned (:

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Just leave me alone for tonight (:
Thanks

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Busted >.<

Awww I got been caught spending too much le ):
Anyway is my fault that I spend too much on too many things >.>
SOSOO from now till end of month must find ways to get $200!
GO SAM GO! RAWR!





interesting day (:

Had a quite interesting day :D

First time, someone followed me to see how my braces are being fixed.
Drank a Super Big Gulp which contain almost all the different flavours and even drank at least 300ml of it!
lucky didn't had a bad tummy ache ;p

Basically, I didn't do anything for night ;/
Yea I slacked >.>
Somehow I was searching for songs and i lost the time ;x
Now kind lost the focus to do stuff;/
But some work still need to be done ;D
SOSOSO BACK TO WORK!!


I though of something today (:
It quite complicated ...
I will leave it as a secret for time being.










I want to sleep ):
For 1 week, I didn't get a chance to have a long nice sleep ;O
But too bad, there are important stuff still waiting for me to do it.
Target now!
By this Sunday, must complete SAPD and SDT!
I shall stop here for now (:

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

it time for some action (: BROOM

Its nice to see people becoming more positive and willing to change for the better (:
And it time for me to take big actions!
RAWR!!!
FOP!
FOC!
DATABASE!
(btw the members start doing DB le!!! OM what am i doing!?)
ASSIGMENT!!!
RAWR

too many stuff >.> but i will do them for sure!
Need slowly one by one clear them off!
this way i won't have so much burden~

I noticed I getting fatter and flabby >.>
BAD
I WAN SLIM SLIM SLIM SLIM~
Know those sexy models
YEA THOSE I WANT!
I WILL FIND SEXY MODELS*GUY* POSTER
AND STARE AT THEM!!
*i not gay*
I JUST WAN TO BE MOTIVATED BY IT!!
Okie i must doing some basic short term goal
20 push up everyday
50 sit ups
50 squarts
RUNNING!! ->> LOSE FATS LOSE IT ALL RAWR!
Should be easy right?
And more hardcore gym session!


I might go into some minor changes.
After going through a very tough part of my life.
I learn many things through many people...
I think I like to help change people for the better
I want to be someone who is able to influence and encourage people who stuck with their bad habits and change to someone that is more positive and full of life.
Maybe that why I am here for this world.

That why my name is called 'Samuel' -> find my meaning of name and you understand why (:

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Thanks everyone for helping me when I'm lost (:
I agree that I should fight for my happiness.
But I could not do it the hard way.
Yea. Like what one of you said....
I am soft heart >.>

Do not worry (:
I will live my life to fullest
No matter how happen I will try to be the cheerful and crazy me!
This a time where I need learn and experience something important.
So no matter what the outcome.
I support you and give you my blessing.
And I will be always a very good friend beside you, I will do my best to help you if you have problem.

And to friends that I know, I will also do my best to help you too!
So feel free to seek help from me!
I know i sucks in comforting but I can crap jokes too!

Monday, May 12, 2008

I a guy who can't stand there see a friend suffer...
I will try my best help them
I am that type of person.

Really Sorry for misunderstanding you...







In everybody life, there will be always problems no matter how hard we try to avoid it.

For me now...
The biggest problem is very complicated >.>
It a problem that can't be settle by myself.
And I can't do a single thing about it too.
So i decided to let it be
Like others said its terrible feeling and painful thing to let things as it is
Sometime I feel like I fighting in losing battle
Sometime I feel I being toyed
Can say I think too much
I agree about it that I think too much.
So best is just put this problem one side

There are many other things to do.
And I going work hard for it!
Okay! I don't want think too much of this problem
This problem will be with me every minute as long I never give up
So there no point I keep dwell about it.





something special in my life?

I celebrate Mother's Day today o.o!
Its was first time in my life celebrating this (:
So it is a very special day which I will never forget that easily ^^
I had a great time for the last day xD
MAJONG >:] STRAIGHT FOR TWO DAYS!
I was trained under in tough environment with many pros >.<
Although it was tough, but I did learn a lot of stuff from them.
In the end , I would like 'Thank a lot' that all I want to say to people who are always care and concern for me!
And thanks to you for inviting me too (:!


And and and...
I watched Speed Racer already (:
It was a 2 hours movie, but it seem to be longer then that >.>
Learn couple of things from the movie ;p
One is don't let the past keep preventing you from moving forward.
Next is family and friends are always there for you whenever you got problem.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Woke up again...
Don't feel like sleeping at all
Now I start to to regret what I did just now
Suddenly I feel so dumb and stupid
Why am I running away? Why? Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?







In the end, I choose to run away.
Can say I foolish, stupid or dumb, I won't even care.
I am just a loser who just run away from everything.
I don't want to be love anymore because I afraid I will run away again.
I hope this the last time I will lose someone very important to me.
It really hurts me.

Thanks for not stopping me this time, I really appreciate for what you did.
Hope you will find a better guy then me.
Hope you will find happiness.
And lastly live your life to your fullest.
That all I can say.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can’t explain myself at all.
And all that wants
And all that needs
All I don’t want to need at all.

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight
It ends tonight.

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can’t explain what you can’t explain.
Your finding things that you didn’t know
I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

[Chorus]
When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight will make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Now I’m on my own side
It’s better than being on your side
It’s my fault when your blind
It’s better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside
Now you’re the first to know

It Ends Tonight - The All-American Rejects

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Leave me alone

There many things I have been going in and out of my mind...

Laughing like crazy, keep talking crap, do crazy stuff and many more. I like my positive side now. But now I feel that I becoming more scary as each day passed... I am afraid that I will change to someone that I do not know anymore. A selfish person who want everything its way? A selfish person who will betray friends? A useless person who keep running away from problem? A useless person who only keep giving friends problems that are stupid and small? I don't want to become like this.... But what can I do? Ignore it?

I do not want to bring any problems to her anymore.
I do not want to trouble her.
I do not want to any bad things happen between me and him.
I do not want to destroy our friendship because of me.
I do not want to betray him.
I do not want her to worry for me.
I do not want her to be sad because I am sad or whatever.

I just want things like in the past?
Like what she said she want it like the past where we are all friends.
Can I do it? Even I can do it in the outside but I can't do in the inside.
How can I remain calm when you know there other guy chasing her?
What can I do now?
Sit and watch?
Others told me I should take action and do something, but I keep giving myself excuse that I do not know how to do.
I weak and useless.
I afraid of the outcome, that why I didn't take any actions.
In the end I chose to sit down and watch.
But that isn't helping me...
Everyone is like naturally pull them together....
Everytime the moment they keep say that my heart hurts....
But isn't that my fault? Cause I the one who chose to sit and watch.
I have no rights to complain as it was my choice
Neither I have the rights to stop him nor her
They have their own rights to do what they want
Its their own life and decisions
Like how I chose 'Sit and Watch'....
Its my decisions.....

I afraid of the reality.
I really just want to get out of this situation.
I want to run away
But I can't let go.

Weak and so many excuses....
I starting to hate myself for my foolishness.
Like what my blog name is....
Inerasable memories.
So ironic isn't it?
If I have a chance, I might want my whole entire memory erase....
Even I have regrets, there isn't much choice
Seriously what can I do now?
Wait is the right choice...
But I'm very scare that the evil within me will change me
I do not know how long I hold anymore

Can someone slap,punch or kick me now?
Wake me up from this craziness.
Wake me up from this foolishness.
In the first place, I shouldn't be in the picture.
Things will be alright if I didn't say anything?
I am such a troublesome guy.
Only know how to bring stupid problems around and troubled people.

The last thing I want now...
I do wish she will not keep blaming herself because of me.
I rather disappear or gone if she really do that.


Someone please shut my stupid mind and heart now.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Lost lost lost lost lost

Long time since last blog... Lazy to explain what happen in school, basically I was super high in school everyday (:

But since last week, my items are either lost or spoil -_- shoe lost, slipper snapped, other slipped spoiled and no friction and my the specs the condition is getting worst. But I didn't even noticed one by one all are spoiled or lost.

And recently, my mind can't be focus or thinking right ._. Suddenly, i feel so aimless and lost. What can I do? Sometime feel like just running away from things, but running away is always a bad choice. So only way now is just move forward.

Lost lost lost lost...

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#name: samuel
#age: 20
#e-mail: saiulardi@hotmail.com

愛 - Loves - 愛
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lonely =(
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~¤ shu wee #bian de ;o
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