Thursday, May 8, 2008
Leave me alone
There many things I have been going in and out of my mind...
Laughing like crazy, keep talking crap, do crazy stuff and many more. I like my positive side now. But now I feel that I becoming more scary as each day passed... I am afraid that I will change to someone that I do not know anymore. A selfish person who want everything its way? A selfish person who will betray friends? A useless person who keep running away from problem? A useless person who only keep giving friends problems that are stupid and small? I don't want to become like this.... But what can I do? Ignore it?
I do not want to bring any problems to her anymore.
I do not want to trouble her.
I do not want to any bad things happen between me and him.
I do not want to destroy our friendship because of me.
I do not want to betray him.
I do not want her to worry for me.
I do not want her to be sad because I am sad or whatever.
I just want things like in the past?
Like what she said she want it like the past where we are all friends.
Can I do it? Even I can do it in the outside but I can't do in the inside.
How can I remain calm when you know there other guy chasing her?
What can I do now?
Sit and watch?
Others told me I should take action and do something, but I keep giving myself excuse that I do not know how to do.
I weak and useless.
I afraid of the outcome, that why I didn't take any actions.
In the end I chose to sit down and watch.
But that isn't helping me...
Everyone is like naturally pull them together....
Everytime the moment they keep say that my heart hurts....
But isn't that my fault? Cause I the one who chose to sit and watch.
I have no rights to complain as it was my choice
Neither I have the rights to stop him nor her
They have their own rights to do what they want
Its their own life and decisions
Like how I chose 'Sit and Watch'....
Its my decisions.....
I afraid of the reality.
I really just want to get out of this situation.
I want to run away
But I can't let go.
Weak and so many excuses....
I starting to hate myself for my foolishness.
Like what my blog name is....
Inerasable memories.
So ironic isn't it?
If I have a chance, I might want my whole entire memory erase....
Even I have regrets, there isn't much choice
Seriously what can I do now?
Wait is the right choice...
But I'm very scare that the evil within me will change me
I do not know how long I hold anymore
Can someone slap,punch or kick me now?
Wake me up from this craziness.
Wake me up from this foolishness.
In the first place, I shouldn't be in the picture.
Things will be alright if I didn't say anything?
I am such a troublesome guy.
Only know how to bring stupid problems around and troubled people.
The last thing I want now...
I do wish she will not keep blaming herself because of me.
I rather disappear or gone if she really do that.
Someone please shut my stupid mind and heart now.
the memories will turn WILD.
5/08/2008 11:13:00 PM
